


a step in the right direction

by hufflebee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Immortality Talk, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 17:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14359956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflebee/pseuds/hufflebee
Summary: The box of mementos gave him a firm reality check, and now he can’t stop picturing his hair graying and his skin wrinkling, his body growing weaker, him dying.But what if I didn’t?It’s a thought that stops him dead in his tracks as he paces around his office. It’s ridiculous, crazy, but it lights a spark inside Alec’s heart.(the beginnings of an idea lead alec to seek out cat's advice)





	a step in the right direction

**Author's Note:**

> big thank you to [my best girl](http://highwarlockofhell.tumblr.com) for betaing, i love you <3
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](https://www.hufflebee.tumblr.com)

Alec had never thought too much about the future.

Being a Shadowhunter meant every mission might end with you not coming home, every day was preparation to keep you alive as long as possible so that you may serve the Angel, but ultimately die doing it. Being gay meant Alec never even thought about marriage as part of his future, not a happy part, anyway.

Alec had never thought much about growing old, let alone that he’d have someone by his side as it happened. But now it’s all he can think about. 

He knows he could die on a mission just as likely as he could before he met Magnus, but his life’s purpose isn’t just serving the Angel anymore. Magnus and what they have is what keeps him going, the person he’s become in the past few months doesn’t want to live just to die an honourable death. 

Part of him is aware of how irrational it is to be so preoccupied by this, by something that won’t happen for decades. It  _ hadn’t _ bothered him, he’d been so caught up in the here and now, living each day with Magnus step by step, never really thinking about the future. The box of mementos gave him a firm reality check, and now he can’t stop picturing his hair graying and his skin wrinkling, his body growing weaker, him dying.

_ But what if I didn’t? _

It’s a thought that stops him dead in his tracks as he paces around his office. It’s ridiculous, crazy, but it lights a spark inside Alec’s heart.

That spark turns into a wildfire as the day goes on. He thinks about spending years, decades,  _ centuries _ , with Magnus just as they are now, moving in together whenever Magnus felt ready for that. When he spots Underhill giving assignments, the conversation they had echoes in his mind, and Alec thinks about how many more Shadowhunters would follow his example if he lived forever. He gets a text from Luke, and it makes him think about how much more he could do with the Downworld Cabinet if he had lifetimes to do it.

The only thought that stings is when he sees Izzy working, and he lingers a bit by the door. He hates to think of Izzy or Max, or his mom, going through even the slightest bit of pain he’s feeling right now, and he can’t help but think of the sorrow in Magnus’s voice whenever he talks about the people he has lost and outlived.

But who says Alec won’t outlive them all anyway? Who’s to say what the future may hold for each of them?

And he wouldn’t be alone, he wouldn’t lose his entire family. He would have Magnus.

It’s not so simple, Alec thinks to himself as he walks back to his office. This isn’t a decision to make overnight, he knows. But there is this undeniable feeling of rightness in his heart, an echo of how he felt when he started walking towards Magnus at the wedding.

It feels like a step in the right direction, even if he can’t see far ahead.

 

* * *

 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Cat asks as she sits down. It’s a wonderfully sunny afternoon, and Alec and Cat are sitting on the hospital’s cafe terrace. “Everything okay at the Institute? With Magnus?”

Alec nods, suddenly nervous, because as much as he wants, needs, to do this, he doesn’t really know Cat that well. He’s not sure how she’ll react to his questions, but he couldn’t think of anyone else to ask. 

“Everything is fine.”

“So you just wanted the pleasure of my company?” she says, raising an eyebrow at him. He breathes out a laugh despite the nerves.

“Not just that,” he says. “I have a rather complicated and sensitive question and I didn’t know who else to turn to.”

“He says as if he’s not dating a warlock. Unless,” she leans in closer. “This has something to do with Magnus. Or you’re hiding something from him, in which case it would be dumb of you to consult me.”

“I’m not hiding, not really, I just want to make sure this is a possibility before I bring it up with Magnus.”

“And this would be?”

“Is there a way to make me immortal?”

Cat freezes, eyes wide and mouth open, staring at Alec like he just grew a second head. He feels his heart pounding as the moments go by, as Cat doesn’t move a muscle. Finally, she seems to gather herself a bit, but her voice is slightly shaky when she says, “You want to become immortal?”

“I want to know if it’s possible. It’s not a decision to be made lightly and I don’t want to put myself or Magnus through that if there is no possible way to do it.”

Cat nods, and silence settles between them as they each sip their own coffee. Alec feels anxiety clawing at his heart and skin, but he doesn’t speak, waiting for Cat to process and respond, yell at him, just do something.

“I can look into it,” she says, voice low and soft. “I can’t promise anything more.”

“Thank you,” Alec says, hoping he can convey just how much that means to him. Cat’s pager goes off then, and she checks it with a sigh.

“I have to go, but,” she hesitates, and then turns fully to Alec. “I need you to think about this long and hard. I know you love Magnus, but he would never want you to do this just for his sake. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

“Neither do I,” Alec says. “I want more with him, with this life, than one lifetime can offer. All I ask is for a chance to see if having that is possible.”

Cat nods and takes one last generous gulp of her coffee before walking back inside. Alec lets out a deep breath and pulls out his phone, seeing a few missed calls from Magnus. He knows not much has changed since this morning, Cat hadn’t magically offered him a solution, nor did he expect her to. But Alec has gotten used to feeling hopeful, feeling like he might actually get what he wants in life.

And what he wants, more than anything, is forever with the man he loves.


End file.
